Bussiness letter

[Imorta Thaw]

Mom asked me to write a complaint to her lawyer. needless to say, I was not at my best (or even average) ranting about how much the divorce is costing her. Then, she got her business friend to look over it, and they found a bazillion mistakes. And told me about none of them. So now I get to try and correct this thing into what ever it is they want. (can you tell that I'm annoyed?)

BTW, I've seen your grammer witch post, and thanks, but I am in no mood whatsoever to go reading through it. Sorry.

Anyway, here's the ... thing ... that I wrote.




Dear John Guthrie;

On March 13, 2008 I terminated our contract and requested the return of my documents and a refund. Since that time I have not received either. I have tried, on numerous occasions, to reach you through your secretary and have not been contacted. It is my opinion that two weeks is more than enough for a simple call. I am sending this letter in hopes of getting a reaction.

I would like to know exactly which documents took you an hour to copy, and why I am expected to pay for a copy of any sort; “The Rules of Professional Conduct require an attorney to return to a client all papers and property to which the client is entitled. The complete original file belongs to the client and the attorney may copy the file at his or her own expense.” I should not have been charged.

I was billed for the registration of a Foreign Judgment of Divorce. If my case has been opened, I would like to have all documents regarding it. If it has yet to be registered, you cannot charge me for services you have not preformed.

I would also like to know what research you preformed that cost me $315. Please provide a copy of the information you found.

I do not appreciate paying for services you did not perform. Please return my money, or explain the reasoning behind the high costs.

I would like this information as soon as possible.

[Seventh Lass]

strangely enough, other than misspelling business in the subject of this thread, you had _no mistakes whatsoever_.
talk to your mom's friend, maybe there's some business format that you need to follow, but from an english point of view, that's exactly what you should write.
strange.

-oh, it's a comma after the dear yada yada, though, not a ;
-another comma after 2008
-prolly switch the "return of my docs" and "refund" around in the sentence so that it flows better
-the only think i don't like is the "I am sending this letter in hopes of getting a reaction." maybe you could combine it with the sentence before, kind of? i dunno, really. it just seems too blunt, maybe. i dunno.
-the part that's in quotes, you need to say whether that's from a law or a contract. if it's not, don't put it in quotes, and just leave it as a statement. either way, check the punctuation right before that quote
-omg, i did find a typo! preformed should be performed.
-don't forget to end it with "Thank you very much for your time, and i hope to hear back from you as soon as possible. Sincerely, .... "
btw, since it's a formal business letter, if she's to send it by mail as opposed to email, type her name a little lower than the signature should be, and have her sign her name by hand, between the sincerely and the typed name.

yeah, i think that's all i can come up with at the moment. good luck!

[Imorta Thaw]

Thanks, Len. Why is it that the only time I can sorta write is when I don't actually think what I wrote is good!?

[Seventh Lass]

aww... i'm sorry.