Writing competition.

[Seventh Lass]

it would make a nice comparison. or you could actually make the balls, since they're so changeable and liquidy, come apart into molecules (or just really small particles) and come togehter on the other side of the tree so it looks like they're going through the tree. oh! or, you could make the balls be made of thousands of tiny creatures that exist together in kind of a colony!

[Imorta Thaw]

The stuff in blue is new.

A duo of emerald orbs studied the extensive forest before them. They were precociously balanced on an outcropping of blood-red sandstone. After a moment of some serious consideration six spider-like appendages sprouted from their "bodies". Those limbs bent under the weight of the spheres. The emerald orbs seemed too heavy for such skinny things to hold up. And yet, those legs bent and straitened making the balls jump up, and then down to the forest ground.

The orbs melted and reformed, launching themselves on what looked like a chase. They defied gravity, rolling over fallen trees and under enormous roots. They avoided the shelters hidden in the shadows of the trees' bases. Not a soul saw them surely make their way to the outer edge of the vegetation. Here they would have trouble blending in. The terrain was no longer covered with greens, it no longer matched their own bold coloring. The forest was bleeding out into the lifeless plain. The orbs waited.

Ten minutes they waited, motionless, and lifeless before the earth began to gather. the top layer moved and flexed, collecting into two orbs identical to the first, barring their coloring. They formed in under five minutes, yet they waited. They waited patiently for their green counterparts to dissolve.

[Seventh Lass]

he he hee. cute. i get these mental pictures of little fluffy cuddly toys forming out of nowhere.

[Seventh Lass]

(i know that's not what you're saying, though)

[Imorta Thaw]

Obviously not for a competition anymore....


Two emerald orbs studied the extensive forest before them. They could not spot the end of the greenery even from their precocious perch half a mile up a cliff. The shearers sprouted six limbs each, which only slightly sagging under th considerable weight delivered the balls to the forest ground.

There the orbs melted into puddles of green gue, only to reform again seconds later clean and legless. From then on the chase was on. As they rolled over fallen trees, long since dead, and under even older and less lively roots they avoided all life, if indeed it was present.

The second of the pair, who when needed was summoned by the number 4683, knew that this abandoned forest had once been called home of the Death-bane by the natives of the planet. Now it was simply F151.

Eventually the two reached the end of their journey. Here they would have trouble blending in. The terrain was no longer covered with greens, and no longer matched their own bold coloring. Here the forest was bleeding out into the lifeless plain. Here the orbs waited.

Ten minutes they waited, motionless, and silent before the earth began to gather. The top layer moved and flexed, collecting into two orbs identical to the first, barring their coloring. They formed in under five minutes, yet they waited. Only after their green counterparts dissolved did they continue with their frantic chase.


Now I think they mght get killed or captured by the normal inhabitants of the land....

[Seventh Lass]

nice. i like it better this way then how you had it in the beggining. i think you need a synonym for "goo" in the second paragraph though, because otherwise, it sets this very nice image, only that one word kind of throws me offbalance a little bit.

but i still like it. very descriptive, and it builds a really good idea of the machines in just a couple of sentences, and nothing stated completely outright. nice.
what were you going to lead into before you stoped last time?
normal, do you mean the ones who call the forest the home of the Death-bane? oh, maybe they could stumble into the Deathbane! (i don't know, it's just a suggestion that seemed kind of interesting before i put it into words)

anyway, so i think you shouldn't really figure out what exactly's gonna happen, just pick a general goal and then write whatever you feel like writing. because you saw what happened when i tried to plan out school story: i had no will whatsoever to finish it, cause i already knew how it'd end.

anyway, the point is - could you please write more?

[Imorta Thaw]

That's just the problem, I don't know were I want to take it. I don't think that the death bane is still alive.. more likly it is in a zoo somewere.

[Seventh Lass]

aww... did you go to the zoo or something? u sound depressed.

[Imorta Thaw]

No, it's just that the orbs are in a sence evil... the invadors... and the natural enhabitants are sorta like terorists now. Think Irac and America.

[Imorta Thaw]

New version, up to the point I posted last but slightly changed to ocomidate the next part whicj is comeing...


Two emerald orbs studied the forest before them. Even from their dangerous perch half a mile up a cliff, the end of the greenery was hidden from their insistent probes. After a moment of consideration six spider-limbs sprouted from the spheres. Only slightly sagging under their considerably heavy burdens, they delivered the balls to the forest ground.

There, the orbs melted into two identical puddles, only to reform again seconds later clean and legless. Then they began a frantic chase for their lives in a country that was dangerous even for the best and largest armies. As they rolled over fallen trees and under roots, they avoided all life, if indeed it was present.

The second of the pair, who when needed was summoned by the number 4683, knew that this abandoned forest had once been called home of the Death-bane by the natives of the planet. Now it was simply F151. The forest and it’ inhabitants were largely forgotten by the new owners of the planet. In fact, the only reason that he knew this pointless piece of information was his outdated post a scribe and historian.

Eventually the two reached the end of the abandoned forest. Here they would have trouble blending in. The terrain was no longer covered with greens, and no longer matched their own bold coloring. Here the dying forest was bleeding out into the lifeless plain. Here the orbs waited.

They waited only a few minutes before their bright green pelt began to decay and take on a reddish hue. Like chameleons they adapted to their new environment in order to survive. The change was over in less time than it had taken for it to begin, but five minutes passed before the exhausted messengers once again began their journey.

[Imorta Thaw]

~

Eventually the now rusty red due slowed their frantic chase. The shadows were long by then and still growing while visibility was failing. Soon the two would be forced to find shelter for the night. That fact was indeed unfortunate. In fact 4683 would have preferred to keep up the dangerous pace all night, but the choice was not his. His partner was the leader of this expedition, and it was his mistake that ended their journey.

~

For hours the plain was silent. Only when the sun had begun to disappear behind the horizon did a small noise betray the stealthy hunter. Not that it served to help the messenger orbs in any way. In fact the slight movement on the hunters blond head caused him to notice his prey that might have otherwise escaped.

[Seventh Lass]

interesting way to take it. now what?

[Imorta Thaw]

Two emerald orbs studied the forest before them. Even from their dangerous perch half a mile up a cliff, the end of the greenery was hidden from their insistent probes. After a moment of consideration six spider-limbs sprouted from the spheres. Only slightly sagging under their considerably heavy burdens, they delivered the balls to the forest ground.

There, the orbs melted into two identical puddles, only to reform again seconds later clean and legless. Then they began a frantic chase for their lives in a country that was dangerous even for the best and largest armies. As they rolled over fallen trees and under roots, they avoided all life, if indeed it was present.

The second of the pair, who when needed was summoned by the number 4863, knew that this abandoned forest had once been called home of the Death-bane by the natives of the planet. Now it was simply F151. The forest and it’ inhabitants were largely forgotten by the new owners of the planet. In fact, the only reason that he knew this pointless piece of information was his outdated post a scribe and historian.

Eventually the two reached the end of the abandoned forest. Here they would have trouble blending in. The terrain was no longer covered with greens, and no longer matched their own bold coloring. Here the dying forest was bleeding out into the lifeless plain. Here the orbs waited.

They waited only a few minutes before their bright green pelt began to decay and take on a reddish hue. Like chameleons they adapted to their new environment in order to survive. The change was over in less time than it had taken for it to begin, but five minutes passed before the exhausted messengers once again began their journey.
~

Eventually the now rusty red due slowed their frantic chase. The shadows were long by then and still growing while visibility was failing. Soon the two would be forced to find shelter for the night. That was indeed unfortunate. In fact 4863 would have preferred to keep up the dangerous pace all night, but the choice was not his. His partner was the leader of this expedition, and it was his mistake that ended their journey.

~

For hours the plain was silent. Only when the sun had begun to disappear behind the horizon did a small noise betray the stealthy hunter. Not that it served to help the messenger orbs in any way. In fact the slight movement on the hunters blond head caused him to notice his prey that might have otherwise escaped.

As two small missiles flew from his hands his lips separated into a dangerous looking smile. As his cold blue eyes noted that one of the orbs had indeed disappeared wile the other lay motionless on the red sand his smile widened into a murderous grin. And with a satisfied thought as to the hopelessness and pain now undoubtedly filing the remaining orb, he disentangled his long and well-formed limbs in order to approach his prey.

[Seventh Lass]

ouououououoououououououh. interesting. why are you so vicious? (meaning, who are you mad at, tat?)

[Imorta Thaw]

don't know... just visious... all day in fact, I'd like to point out that the human hunter is the good guy.

[Seventh Lass]

taaat... are you mad?

anyway, if you want him to be human, i think you should put in some random little mentions of facts that could only be human. kind of not telling that he's human, just mentioning stuff like him wiggling his toes or something so incredibly down to earth that you get the sense he's human. i guess the problem is that you're switching so quickly from following a pair of these really strange creatures, and then you just switch to a human. it's a great thing to do in a story, and it makes it interesting, you just need to make sure that you really do switch abruptly enough.
anyways, i like it.