|
Post by Imorta Thaw on May 30, 2007 17:37:57 GMT -8
"Can't he do the dishes?" Exclaimed a childish voice. "He's the slave, not me!"
All the complainer got for an answer was a "You will thank me later." from her grandmother with whom she lived.
The reply was simple and witty, " I just wish I had a reason to thank you now." She did, however continue with her chore, to the satisfaction of her aged guardian.
Only the slave was silent through that exchange. He spoke rarely anyway, all slaves did. They were silent because they were forbidden to talk. But in that house, the solitary slave experienced many more freedoms then most.
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on May 30, 2007 19:36:48 GMT -8
umm, just pointing it out, the last sentence has weird verb tenses. probably a typo or something.
still - cute
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on May 31, 2007 17:08:07 GMT -8
"Can't he do the dishes?" Exclaimed a childish voice. "He's the slave, not me!"
All the complainer got for an answer was a "You will thank me later." from her grandmother with whom she lived.
The reply was simple and witty, " I just wish I had a reason to thank you now." She did, however continue with her chore, to the satisfaction of her aged guardian. But confusion entered the girl's brain as she heard the disapointed sigh of her grandmother. But Artemis did not understand the sadness and fear clouding her grandmother's life.
The slave did. Or so he thought. It was often hard to tell with his aged mistress. He had not dared glance up at the couple and had not seen the expression on the ancient face, so it was even harder to tell. It wasn't his place anyway. At least, not yet. Later, perhaps.
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on May 31, 2007 17:52:04 GMT -8
ououououh. are you gonna make the opposite of rebellion (the slave will protect the grandma afterwards)? because it sounds like a prediction (At least not yet. Later perhaps) that either they'll swich places or there'll be a romance between them. Most likely (since you're not as inclined to write romantic stories as i am) it's the first.
oh, by the way, i definitely like it better the second way (the ending). It's much more interesting because of its prediction.
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on May 31, 2007 19:01:43 GMT -8
"ououououh. are you gonna make the opposite of rebellion (the slave will protect the grandma afterwards)? " Wel... That was the idea... but I'm not sure how to continue it now...
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on May 31, 2007 22:57:39 GMT -8
jump to a different scene. like a group of rebels planning the rebellion or something.
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 25, 2007 9:27:11 GMT -8
Now that I'm totally bored, I've come back to this.. but since I don't know what to write I desided to try and let the story play itself. I'm making a roleplay based on this and your rebelion. Here: boundindarkness.proboards83.com/index.cgiBut I need a description to describe what is hapening, I'm not sure if I want to start a little before a rebelion or right after one.... a little before I think,...
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 25, 2007 11:07:08 GMT -8
okay, i'll assume you're talking to yourself.
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 25, 2007 11:17:34 GMT -8
Sorta to you too...
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 25, 2007 11:32:25 GMT -8
okay, then here's my input: it sounds like a great idea. putting it before the rebellion would make it more interesting, but you're going to have to steer the direction it goes, a little bit, probably, cause there's a million directions it can go if you just let a rebellion brew.
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 25, 2007 11:39:58 GMT -8
you're right... I'll keap working on it tomorrow...
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 25, 2007 16:35:27 GMT -8
cool
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 30, 2007 8:57:20 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 30, 2007 9:14:09 GMT -8
why?
wait, do you mean the skin on your rpg or here?
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 30, 2007 9:15:33 GMT -8
rp.
It's...odd
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 30, 2007 9:17:35 GMT -8
nah, it's cute. wait, is this the rebellion rpg?
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 30, 2007 9:18:07 GMT -8
yup
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 30, 2007 9:20:17 GMT -8
oooooh! that makes sense! since this is the rebellion thread...
anyway, nah, don't abandon it yet. maybe in a month or so, but not yet. see what people think bout it first. (i suggest asking lisa to post the link on her site and then see what her friends think)
|
|
|
Post by Imorta Thaw on Jul 30, 2007 9:21:47 GMT -8
I'm not going to show it to anyone but you till it's done, and then I'll simply ask any members I get. I'm thinking that it's not the sort of thing Lisa's friends are interesdtyed in.
|
|
|
Post by Seventh Lass on Jul 30, 2007 9:28:16 GMT -8
i know. that's why i thought maybe showing it to them, cause if they're not interested, won't they be the toughest critics?
|
|